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We've told someone where to sit, where to hang their coat, to stop talking and listen. We've asked people to bring napkins to our parties, to pick up groceries on the way home, to turn down the thermostat. You may not consider yourself a sexually dominant person, but you've probably made things happen by asking for what you want. Have you ever texted someone "come over tonight ; " and had them show up at your door ten minutes later? Said "kiss me" and then found yourself kissed? Yet the idea of being dominant in the bedroom , especially for women, can still seem strange since it goes against everything we're taught.
We must be fair, things must be equal, we must take care of the other person, we must make sure everyone else's needs are met before ours. Being dominant in bed doesn't just mean being on top. It means knowing why you're there and being bold about pursuing your pleasure.
Professional dominatrixes are the first to scoff at the idea that all men enjoy being dominant in bed and all women enjoy being submissive. They see firsthand that all sorts of people long to be taken out of the driver's seat. Here's how to reexamine the idea of taking control in bedroom, putting the power dynamic in your favor. Taking the lead in bed doesn't mean being a sadist or demeaning your partner. It doesn't mean you have to change who you are. You're simply connecting with a powerful side of yourself that was always there, and sharing it with a person who wants to make you happy.
It's about closeness and connection, not cruelty. The first step to taking on a more dominant role is to figure out what turns you on. This is easier said than done. We may be ashamed of our desires, we may worry that our partner will laugh or be disgusted by them.
But there's a reason why the Fifty Shades of Grey books and films were so successful. People were able to point to something on a and say, "That's hot. Think about scenes in movies and books that have turned you on, and ask yourself why. It may make you feel weird at first, but it's normal to ask yourself if your desires are normal. It's up to you to accept them as part of who you are and make the next move. Taking cues from mainstream media can also have a downside.
Great sex in the movies is often led by the man, or else it's a magically equal exchange where all the parties seem to intuitively know what the other wants. The reality is that great sex is born of great communication , but it can be hard to wants to talk about what you want. Someone has to take the lead. It should be you. Taking the dominant position with a partner requires the ability to articulate what you want, explain what pleases you, and why. Taking a more dominant role means first having a command and understanding of oneself," said Zhang.
Yes, the things we see on television and the movies can inspire our sexiest thoughts, but they can also be intimidating and stop you from giving things a try. Being dominant in the bedroom doesn't mean you have to invest in kinky gear, like handcuffs, whips, and rope. They're symbolic props.
For example, you can use your words to tell your partner not to move. Handcuffs may just provide an extra layer to the experience. These ideas can inspire any of playful activities. We're all prisoners of our upbringings. We have ideas of what people are supposed to do in bed. Even if we think of ourselves as progressive, we may still be dogged by out-of-date attitudes about sexual roles. It's up to you to examine why you believe that sex has to be a certain way.
If it makes you feel good, great. But if you're unsatisfied and afraid that your fantasies disrupt your ideas about gender roles in bed, you need to stop and think. Lindsay Goldwert is a journalist and host of the "Spent" podcast. What it's like to be a 'traveling stripper,' including strip-club auditions and late-night hotel workouts.
My antidepressants make it difficult to orgasm. How do I tell my partner and make sex fun again? What Netflix's 'Marriage Story' gets right and wrong about divorce, according to a couples therapist. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Lindsay Goldwert. Deciding to be dominant in the bedroom often means subverting traditional gender roles.
Professional dominatrixes see that all sorts of people want to be dominated. You don't need to invest in handcuffs, whips, or ropes to get started. Visit Insider's home for more stories. Stay up to date with what you want to know.How to be a female dom
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How To Be Dominant In The Bedroom Even If You’re Nervous/Unconfident