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Between sets at the gym, I explained to a friend what fisting is. He did not believe me. I demonstrated: my hand, balled in a fist, punched slowly through the air, a gentle six-inch thrust, turned slightly at the wrist, and pulled back. Ready to try? Click through for my best tips on taking a hand. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger.
The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean. You learn with small butt plugs that gradually get you comfortable with the feeling of stretching your anal sphincter your hole. You must get accustomed to this feeling and enjoy it before you work up to larger insertables. And then — and only then — can you start playing with fingers.
You may find — as I did — that the stretching process can be more fun than the actual fisting. I found a massive love of toys or a love of massive toys along the way. Pro tip: Purchase a small, smooth, teardrop-shaped or rocket-shaped butt plug no larger than an inch in diameter.
Lube it up with tons of lube, slide it slowly in, get comfortable with the feeling, then pull it slowly out. In, and out. Steadily build speed. This is way better with a playmate. Being a good fister requires knowledge of different chemicals and compounds and how they interact with each other. Insertable toys can get very expensive, especially larger ones, and you want to pay for premium materials. You should avoid cheap, hard, plastic-feeling toys made out of materials like TPE. Do research! Pro tip: I use J-Lube.
Different fisters enjoy different consistencies — I like my J-Lube thicker, less runny. Adding different compounds to the mixture produces different effects. Clove oil, for example, softens the skin and minimizes inflammation and irritation, and has a nice smell. This is for everybody. Everyone with a kinky thing: Stop using porn as a the measuring stick for skill. Porn is wonderful, but it also skews to the advanced skill level. Which means we, the viewing public, rarely see the failed attempts or hours of training. It happens before, during, and after the action, and gets edited out of the final product.
Form your reality around your own experience first. The kinkiest, most hardcore fister will be a beginner to a new kink. The stigma against fisting is real. In the kink community, fisting is not a divisive or uncommon practice. No one bats an eye. Look up apps like Recon or, better yet, go to your nearest leather bar or fetish store and ask the people there if they recommend any local fisting gatherings or online communities. Consider fisting Olympic-style penetration. All sports have risks. As with all sports, there are necessary steps you must take to minimize risks. Pro tip: Fisting happens in the mind, not the body.
We tend to tense our muscles when we experience new and uncomfortable sensations. The journey of fisting is training your body to breathe, relax, and enjoy the sensation of your body relaxing and opening. I was horrified of fisting when I first saw a video. That horror morphed into curiosity. Years later, I accepted the fact that I was into it, and had to try it. The feeling itself is overwhelming, uncomfortable, and can be very intimidating. The vulnerability of working and exploring the limits of your pleasure and your body with someone is powerful.
On the other side of that nervous threshold is the most intense pleasure my body has ever felt. Fisting is a two-person job. While the infection potential of gloveless fisting is disputed among fisters, you should definitely start with gloves. That said, you should wash your hands and forearms thoroughly before every fist session. Tops: Your fingernails must be shaved down to nubs.
What might feel like a barely-there sliver of fingernail to you will feel sharp when your hand is inside your playmate. Fingernails can hurt — and even tear and injure — the delicate skin of the rectum and colon. This is why you must wear gloves. Pro tip : Use gloves made of nitrile, which is just as strong and protective as latex. Pro tip: Start with a good toy play session and see how big you can go.
Fisters love talking about fisting. Everyone has toy recommendations, buddy referrals, and so on. We have a pretty tight-knit community. Talk to him about your skill level. An amateur fister who claims to be a pro can hurt you. You want to build confidence and trust with this person. Pro tip: Referrals might seem awkward, but if you want to do this, someone needs to train you. If someone can refer you to a good playmate, reach out to them.
Best way to avoid injury? Many guys start fisting on drugs, because drugs make fisting easier. They mask the sensation of pain and relax your body. While drugs have understandable appeal for all kinds of sex not just fisting , masking pain is problematic, since pain tells you when you need to stop. It will take more time and more effort without substances. That time and effort is worth it, at least until you build up some skill.
Dildos are far from the best way to train your butt. Cylinders open your hole and keep it open at the same dilation as they slide in and out, while a butt plug constantly forces your hole to close and open around a rounded object, which stretches and trains the muscles in your sphincter think: kegel balls.
Most of these are way too hard for ass play. Seek soft, spongy, cushiony dildos from manufacturers that specialize in anal toys. You probably have a shit phobia. You can clean for hours and will never eliminate all traces of fecal matter from your rectum, and you shouldn't try to. Talk about your body, your diet, and your cleaning regimen with other fisters. Talk about using the bathroom. Ask for tips, tricks, and suggestions. Everyone who fists must get comfortable around these more intimate, messy realities of our lives. Eventually, you will reach a point where you are less afraid of the body and how it works.
Pro tip: A daily fiber regimen like Metamucil will make your cleaning process easier. Trust me. Give your butt a rest. Pro tip: I frequently go on sex breaks to recenter, rediscover what I like, and focus on parts of myself that need my attention. The journey of relearning fisting and retraining my body is different and rewarding every time. It stretches. You might require some healing time, but your butt will shrink back up and work the same way it worked before.
Our culture tends to conflate tightness with virginity and virginity with desirability. If anyone is seeking an ultra-tight hole, they can seek someone else. Not everyone is into punch fisting — but I am. If I ever go to that point, that will require training with someone I trust deeply.
Clean up and go watch Netflix. You can communicate wordlessly and show s of fear and pain — and intense pleasure — through gaze. Communicate as much as you need to, but keep in mind that real, wonderful fisting happens when words stop, when you lock eyes, and when your bodies and your body language take over.
A good fisting session tends to slip into silence, a mental and physical wonderland of gasps and moans and roars and breathing. This is when the pleasure and beauty of fisting happens. Pro tip: A lot of beginners start on all fours, doggy-style. Try a sling. Lie back. Eye contact is everything. Not only is meditation a great idea for juggling the stresses and pressures of daily life — it also helps in the handballing fisting department. When I get fisted, I lock eyes on the man opening me up and retreat into my body. I shut off my head and scan down through my body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, relaxing my muscles and focusing on the sensation.Men fisted
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