Added: Telma Yoshida - Date: 23.07.2021 08:56 - Views: 14792 - Clicks: 4148
My fetish is more common than you think it is. A lot of people have it. I have a strong, primal impulse, like anyone with an addictive fetish does, and I am alway in the process of balancing it out with the practicalities of real life.
I want to rip it out, and I dream of doing it in my sleep. But I meet with my therapist twice a week, and she helps me with that. And with a lot of other things. I met my husband with whom I have two children, the only two I have seven years ago. I found that, beyond not upsetting him, it actually turned him on, too. He was happy to indulge my fantasies and support my dreams of being a mother as many times as we could, both physically and financially. The first time I actually got pregnant, it was like an entirely new world had been opened to me. Where my sex life had always been thrilling and our roleplaying helped enormously , this was a whole new level of joy and pleasure.
Sometimes it felt that just by sitting down on my office chair, I would have an orgasm! My whole body was humming with excitement, and having people come up to me on the street to feel my stomach was every bit the flattering, glowing experience I thought it would be. At one point, he called in sick four days in a row to stay home and make love to me. Luckily having an eight-month-pregnant wife helped with that story! But when my daughter arrived, things changed quickly. Where my body had felt vibrant and warm, it suddenly felt empty and sagging.
My husband bonded with her immediately, and I was glad he did, because our nanny ended up replacing most of my interaction with her. At least she had one parent who was head-over-heels, the way you should be. I saw my therapist, who explained to me all about post-partum depression, and helped me get back to a normal life. Once my confidence was back at its highest, and my sex life with my husband had returned full-force — when my daughter was just over two — I quickly became pregnant again. I want to say that this was an accident, but I had been intentionally messy about contraception, because I wanted the experience without having to say that it was something I did on purpose.
It was something greater than myself, and when I found out the news, all of my concerns were immediately erased from my mind. I even connected with my daughter in a more profound way — now that I was so happy and fulfilled, I could give my full self to her. It was an idyllic nine months, as it had been the last time.
But as soon as my son was born, I was emptied again. When I arrived back after that week of cleansing, I felt better better enough to put on a good front, and get into therapy , but I was not happy. And I did not feel love.
Now, I am here, with a four- and two-year-old, and a handsome, still quite young husband who cares for me. But I feel nothing. Without my fetish, I am empty inside, and looking at my children only reminds me painfully what it felt like when it was good. The thought of not having that experience to look forward again tears me apart inside, and makes me seriously consider suicide.
In fact, in all of my years of fantasizing, I never actually thought about what it would be like after giving birth. It never interested me. I hope they are happy, but I am more interesting in caring for myself than for them. I would always choose a night with friends over a night watching Disney.
My desire still consumes me, and I fear that one day I may leave them to re-start the whole process in a different country, with some other name. All I know is that I have to get out, and have this experience again. I have to find a solution, and something tells me as much as I hate to admit it that it might not involve my family. You may unsubscribe at any time. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about .
By Anonymous Updated August 20, Get the best of Thought Catalog in your inbox. About the author Insider info, secrets, confessions, and guilty pleasures. You write it. We publish it. Submit here. Fetish Pregnancy Fetish. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.Pregnant sex fetish
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